The FACs: Escaping Reality
Last night we indulged in the topic of "Escaping Reality" . As usual we each had our own version of the topic rearing to go. This time the protocol was Jaz first, then Misty, then me. WOW! What a topic and what polar opposite perspectives.
This one I had to take a step back from because my perspective of why escape the wonderful reality Mom has provided to you; was quickly overshadowed by Misty’s comment of;
"Mom, have you never seen a movie? Where the room has no windows or doors and the person inside does nothing but claw to their death trying to get out?"
What was she saying? Is our home a locked cell? Is she the person inside trying to get out? Shook to my core I am flabbergasted. Unsure of the turn of events and frantically trying to review my Rolodex of memories of her childhood I began tearing up. When? Where did this happen; that my daughter no longer enjoyed the home she once told me was her sanctuary?
Gasping for air I turn to Jaz for what I was sure to be moral support. But the red flush of her cheeks told a story of anger and resentment. Without request she exclaimed her understanding of Misty’s point. Her understanding of how Misty feels, because she too has felt the tight wrath of mom's fear -- which I readily discern as concern, worry and motherly love, of course. How is it possible for their perspectives to be so far from my own?
We all lived in the same home. Yet, while I was building this safe haven of blissful living, my daughter's were slowly digging an underground tunnel with their dinner spoons!
Normally, in these discussions I am the person who remains intact and unmoved in stressful situations. But this time would be altogether different. Unable to maintain my composure, tears form in the wells of my eyes. Where is all of this pain coming from? How did I miss it? Had I spent more time building a life vs. having a life as the sign prominently states on display in our bathroom.
Jaz to the left spewing statements of friends she no longer has because of parental tactics I utilized during her teenage years to keep her close to home. Misty to the right of me with tears abound trying to hold in the fact that she feels suffocated while at the same time admitting she is barely at home. How? How is it possible that such stories filled with frustration and emotions are at the same time offset with gratefulness and love?
As I look at the expression on both my daughter's faces I suddenly realize all things are temporary. Our experiences, our emotions and sometimes even our convictions are temporary. I know for sure what I thought was important at 13 is certainly not of importance at my ripe wise age of 50. No doubt another such experience will shift when I turn 109. ( Yes, 109 - don't look so shocked -- or "shook" as my 17 year old often says.)
So let’s explore in our usual fashion an excerpt from our writings of how each of us feel about the topic, Escaping Reality.
Misty – Age 17
“I lead my life; especially in my teen years as sensible as possible. Come to think of it, my teen years have been fun but admittedly pretty sheltered. I believe I allowed that to happen. A lot of it can be chalked up to the fact that I chose to pass up opportunities because I thought it wasn't sensible. But maybe it was more because the idea of it didn't fit the “ok” description of approval my family needs. I seem to have misconstrued common sense as cautionary. Live my life with caution not sensibility. Sensibility for me means, if you find yourself in a bad situation; you have the wherewithal to determine the safest and best way to get out of your situation. Whereas, caution is you’d never be in that situation in the first place. Read More...
Jaz – Age 23
As a mentally stimulated person, physical alterations don’t actually work for me. It makes me feel out of control. So I continue to use books to escape somewhere else and feel like someone other than myself. Movies, TV and social media serve as also less healthy ways of escape. I gravitate to anything to forget where I am and what my place is in the world. To face reality and its harsh truths, to be confronted by your own mentality is not always something I want to do. Forcing me not to think about it, shutting down if you will is one of the greatest escapes. Read More...
Cherie – Age 50
“The reality not verbalized is that there is a consistent undertone stating that I've got it all under control. If I become unraveled and exhibit signs of escape the world around those who depend on me may implode. The reality is I can feel the weight of the neediness from my family on my shoulders. The idea of escape from so much fear and worry is simply delectable.” Read More...
At the end of the day (or by the next morning in our case) despite any strain to speak freely or hurt of taking things personally, we come back full circle to the purpose of the FACs model. The truth will set us free…and it always does, till next week’s topic