My Reality and The Commonest Of Senses

Common sense; my motto I live by. All my choices are surrounded around this idea of common sense. Yet, I could only describe to you what it is using colloquial and context clues in which I've heard it being used. According to Merriam Webster common sense means,” sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts.” After reading this definition my interpretation of common sense and perception of life is completely jumbled up now. Do I really have sound judgment?

I can't allow you to get confused on the difference between observant and sound judgment. I've always been observant, quick to notice things. My observance is more heightened thanks to my impeccable social and emotional intelligence...but sound judgment? I'm often indecisive, sometimes impulsive and always self-indulgent. Neither of which help me to have sound judgment.

Therefore, am I really the sensible person I've always thought I was? Or, is it more likely that my daily lane of sensibility represents the escape from my reality that if given the opportunity to throw caution to the wind, I’d jump on it like a bull frog to a lily pad.

I lead my life; especially in my teen years as sensible as possible. Come to think of it, my teen years have been fun but admittedly pretty sheltered. I believe I allowed that to happen. A lot of it can be chalked up to the fact that I chose to pass up opportunities because I thought it wasn't sensible. But maybe it was more because the idea of it didn't fit the “ok” description of approval my family needs. I seem to have misconstrued common sense for cautionary.

The more I write this, the more it is revealed to me that I may be living my life with caution rather than sensibility. Sensibility for me means, if you find yourself in a bad situation; you have the wherewithal to determine the safest and best way to get out of your situation.

Whereas, caution dictates you’d never be in that situation in the first place. The latter statement seems like the obvious choice in which I have been trained to live my life. It’s as if I yearn to have a crystal ball and hymn song that would show my future and every bad thing that could possibly happen, allowing me to avoid it and live life seemingly blissful. The completion of that very paragraph makes me want to break out and do something against the grain simply to challenge my human sensibility of experience.

Recently I had a meltdown over anything and everything. All my fears, anxieties and stresses poured out of my mouth in the form of hate filled words and ignorance. The things I said completely counteracted the “common sense” I thought I lived by. The more I opened my mouth the more my brain yelled at me to stop. The words that came out before the actual truth were a lie. The excuses and the insistence to be alone were all my tickets out of a reality that seemed to be crashing down.

It's easy to know my reality is likely to fall when I hold it upon this very high pedestal protecting it from the realms of life. That control halts me from the real common sense I wish to have; the real sound judgment. I’m just a bubble trying to avoid the pin of life. But when reality finally catches up to me...I rush to make an effort to be alone so that no one will see me struggle to rebuild my bubble to its pristine shape.