Escaping reality is a very dangerous idea-- for me at least. I've always been a grounded person. In fact it is the realities of life that drive me to be a better person. If I escape; if I take my eye off of what is real; I am sure to slip into a black hole of unconsciousness.
I love imagining things, semi fantasizing or dreaming as it is more appropriately defined. But the thought of altering my brain function in order to avoid the realities of my life scare the absolute hell out of me. I never thought I'd be face-to-face with someone who finds the need or liking to indulge in such an escape. Of course, I’ve seen it on television, various shows and maybe the news; but not in my own home.
I find myself more often than none observing my surroundings trying to determine what is wrong with the environment I created, that someone I love would want to escape it. The house is clean mostly because I insist and end up absorbing the work, it’s warm, filled with all the things that represent my family, me and the love we share.
It is located in a good neighborhood --- as safe as the suburbs can be. To be honest, if I had to describe in detail this home we share; one would be plotting to break in not out. Unfortunately, what has been displayed to me is the fact that our home, the lives we are afforded to have is in need of escaping. This concept is so new to me that it is beyond my understanding.
My childhood household was so chaotic; there was little room to escape. In fact, it was not safe or prudent to escape within that home. Doing so could render yourself vulnerable to the invasive behaviors of strangers around you.
I can’t help but ask myself, what do I feel right now as the heat rises up in me this very moment trying to explain this topic? I feel resentment, I feel anger, and I feel taken for granted. It never occurred to me when I was a kid that escaping reality was even a viable option.
I can remember many nights dreaming of better days; along with well laid plans on how to get there. But altering my brain pattern to escape was not an acceptable option for me. What If I could never recover from my escape? What If someone hurt me or I hurt myself during my escape? What If my brain became altered forever and I no longer had the mind in which I began this journey of escape? These all describe escapes of euphoria; where a mind-altering substance need be present.
A mind altering state created by a foreign substance – such a state I became familiar with only after an incident with my daughter. I care not to describe in detail this incident, but only enough to express my disdain, anger, fear and constant worry of ever seeing it again.
There are however, other escapes from reality that I allow myself and my imagination to indulge. I would normally never verbalize it for fear of being shunned by all who know me; especially my family. But the rules and regulations of our Fierce Authentic Conversations allow me to openly express what an escape from reality looks like for me. So, first let me explore the realities:
The reality is; I am the financial glue that provides the life my children enjoy. Wait, is that not the very life in which they prefer to escape? Confusion -- that's fair, I suppose. However, if I could escape reality I’d drop everything and run– leaving behind the house in exchange for a small simple quiet place in the center of the forest. Well, perhaps not the actual forest but the metaphorical forest of serenity and freedom.
The reality not verbalized is; that there is a consistent undertone stating that I've got it all under control. If I become unraveled and exhibit signs of escape the world around those who depend on me may implode. The reality is I can feel the weight of the neediness from my family on my shoulders. The idea of escape from so much fear and worry is simply delectable.
The reality is; I don’t have the energy or desire to pretend to be someone I’m not. To pretend to feel something I do not. I suppose one can escape reality in small doses. But reality is all around us, reminding us of our environment, our responsibilities and the many artificial things and experiences that we are exposed to on a daily basis.
Therefore an escape from reality to me only means altering my brain pattern with a foreign substance --- and this I have no interest. If I peel it back to its core; rather than escape I much prefer to create a reality that does not purport an escape. I’d expend my energy toward a reality that drives, supports passion and a sense of true self in me.
The reality is -- that escape is nothing more than a temporary state of mind. I've had so much temporary in my life that the reality of permanence is my true escape.